Believing in Possiblity
“All things are possible until they are proved impossible and even the impossible may only be so, as of now.”
I was having a conversation with our 11-year-old the other day. We recently moved from Chicago to Montreal and as we’re preparing for the first day of school, she had convinced herself that it is going to be “too hard” and that making friends is going to be “impossible”. She has always had a little trepidation about things she was uncertain about. And yet, to hear the definitive statement that something was impossible broke my heart a little.
This was the child that would dance around the house singing the words to “Impossible” from Cinderella.
The world is full of zanies and fools
Who don't believe in sensible rules
And won't believe what sensible people say
And because these daft and dewey eyed dopes keep building up impossible hopes
Impossible things are happening every day!
We talked through her fears as they were manifesting themselves into what she was painting as her reality. Yes, of course it’s possible that it was going to be a hard transition and making new friends would be challenging. However, it’s equally possible that it will be an easy and exciting transition and she will come home with a gaggle of new friends right away.
The reality is, our 11-year-old selves face this predicament all the time.
As adults, we generally move further and further away from believing in what’s possible and settling for what our brains believe is probable or likely to occur. And, since our brains are doing their best to protect us, they throw in all sorts of challenges that could occur, just so we’re prepared for the worst.
You see, as our brains evolved over hundreds of thousands of years, our primal brain (also called our reptilian brain) has continued to control our most automatic behavior patterns that have been responsible for ensuring our survival as a species.
It is responsible for basic needs for survival - food, mating, fighting or fleeing. It is primitive and animalistic, has limited behavioral responses, and does not learn from its mistakes.
Just as it did for early humans, our reptilian brain keeps us safe, primarily through proximity to familiarity. So, in the story about our daughter, she is feeling unsafe because her proximity to familiarity is pretty far (new city, new school, new type of school, partially a new language). It’s understandable why her reptilian brain kicked in and put her into a state of fight or flee.
When I look at my own life, I can pinpoint many times when my reptilian brain has taken over and kept me or tried to keep me from doing the things I want to do - those things that feel scary or different, that are not within my proximity of familiarity. They were the voices that told me I “couldn’t” or “shouldn’t” do or say something.
And yet, those were very often the very things I needed to do to move myself forward professionally or personally. That’s where believing in possibility comes in.
When we can foster thoughts that possibilities are, well, possible, we begin to open ourselves up to hope, which leads to desire, which drives us to take action.
So, how do we move from our reptilian brains to a place where possibilities are possible?
One small step at a time. Here are a few steps you can start taking to open yourself up to more possibility in your life.
Become Aware
Starting with a place of awareness of ourselves and how our brains are responding is the first step to making any changes in our lives. We often default to ignoring a fleeting thought, pushing down “negative” emotions, and trying to plow through our lives.
What would happen if you took the time to just be aware of those moments that feel uncomfortable?
That is exactly what I want to encourage you to do. When you notice yourself dismissing a thought, pushing away an emotion or just telling yourself to “just get through it”, take a few minutes to just be aware of what it is that you are wanting to avoid? Be curious. What questions come up for you around what you notice?
Challenge Yourself
Once you’ve had a little practice in just being aware of your thoughts and behaviors, the next step is to challenge them.
For instance, say your default thought is “I’m not good enough to get that job”, stop and ask yourself “Is that true?”
Initially, your reptilian brain will kick in and tell you of course it’s true - you’re not good enough.
Gently stop and ask yourself again, “Is that true?” Take some time to look for the evidence. Where did that thought come from?
When we look negativity straight in the eye and ask it a direct question, it often fades away, much like a vampire in sunlight.
Reframe Your Thoughts
After you have had a chance to become more aware of your thoughts and challenge them, the next step is to give yourself an alternative thought.
Simply ask yourself, “What thought would better serve me in this situation?”
This is where possibility truly comes out to play.
What are the other possibilities?
In the case of our daughter, we came up with, sure, it could be a crap start to the new school year. Or, it could be meh. Or, it could be fantastic beyond her wildest imagination. The possibilities are truly limitless.
So, what thought would most help you when your reptilian brain is trying to protect you and put you in a fight or flight state of mind?
At first, this will feel challenging and a bit uncomfortable. But, with practice, this type of thought reframing becomes more natural and easier to tap into. And, in time, you will start to automatically start to see possibilities everywhere.
And yes, it’s true. Impossible things happen every day - because people believe it’s possible.
