Friday Fab Five - The Unbalanced Life
Happy Friday! I hope you had a FABULOUS week this past week!
This week, I wanted to drop in and talk about something that I haven’t spoken about for awhile - well, not directly. For those who have around for more than a minute, you’ll know that I live by the mantra of “Balance is Bullshit.”
You see, we’ve all been fed this theory that if we were to just BALANCE it all we would be happy, life would be complete and perfect.
B.S. Plain and simple. B.S.
I like to use the metaphor of practicing yoga when explaining this. Think about the last time you went into any balance pose (if you’ve never practiced yoga, think about any time you tried to physically balance yourself). What happens? Our muscles go into a place of tension to hold us in that place. As much as we work to relax into the pose, our muscles are still under tension to hold us there.
The same is true in life. When we try to balance our lives, we put a tremendous amount of tension into our lives.
So, for this week’s FAB FIVE*, I am including some thoughts on how to lean into this concept of Balance is BS and start to embrace an unbalanced life.
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Searching for Self
The first place to start when you’re wanting to unbalance your life - or move out of the concept of trying to balance it all - is to get a deeper understanding of what it is that is really important to you and what your needs are during this lifetime. By digging into understanding our strengths, fears, motivations, challenges, joys, and values, we stop looking outside of ourselves for acceptance and validation.
I love starting with my clients by using the VIA Strengths Assessment and the MBTI to get a better idea of what makes them tick. You can take both of these tests for free and get a wealth of information to get you started.
Practice Mindfulness
Being aware of what messages our mind is telling us helps us respond to it differently than when we allow it to have a free-for-all on autopilot. It allows us to stop living in the past and the future, and focuses us on the here and now. Practicing mindfulness helps us holistically, allowing us to influence our bodies, our minds, and our spirit.
Looking for a way to dip your toe into some mindfulness? This article gives some great tips on simple ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily activates.
Want more help? Reach out and let’s have a talk about how mindfulness can help you.
Make Time For Play
Play was important when we were children. It’s equally as important as an adult. And, when you’re living an imbalanced life, play is one of those key components that helps you in all areas of your life. Play has been shown to release endorphins, improve brain functionality, and stimulate creativity. Studies also show that play improves memory and stimulates the growth of the cerebral cortex.
I love this TED Talk by primatologist Isabel Behncke Izquierdo about the importance of play in primates, and how that may also apply to humans.
Ditch the Comparison
When we look at someone else - their bodies, their businesses, their families, their lives - and compare ourselves to them, we are doing a disservice to both ourselves and to them. We are not meant to look, sound, or be the same as anyone else. Each of us is unique, successful, and beautiful in our own ways. When we stop comparing and trying to “right-size” ourselves, we give ourselves a chance for more joy, more presence, and more happiness. In short, we let go of comparison and we let go of stress.
Some of this comes from learning how to let go of the critic that lives in our heads. Some of it comes from being able to befriend ourselves in a new loving and accepting way.
What ways can you imagine letting go of comparison in your life or work?
Embrace the Mess
Here’s the thing…life is messy. There are no two ways around it. Once you think you have something figured out, nailed down, or zipped up, something will come along to help you recognize you don’t. And here’s the kicker… that’s not a reflection on you. Nope. That’s just life.
When you start to embrace the mess, you get an opportunity to truly see how beautiful life is - mess and all. A couple of tips to help you out, if you’re struggling with this concept:
You are in choice. There is only a relatively short amount of time during this lifetime, so you get to choose how you spend it. You can either spend it worrying about keeping things as perfect as you can make them, or you can choose to let go and embrace the messiness and cherish all the moments.
Play often. See the note above about the importance of play. When a child is playing, they don’t care if they’re making a mess because they are in the present moment (see the note on mindfulness above, too). When you allow yourself to let go and truly play, you will soon find the messy bits aren’t quite as hard as they might have felt before you let yourself "let loose.”
Lean into community. Friends, family, colleagues. Whomever you have in your life that is your support system, lean into them when those bits get messy. Ask for help, and then allow yourself to receive help. Messy is more fun when there are others to share the load.
