Friday Fab Five - Finding Ease
If you’re like most people I know, ease does not come easy.
And yet, when you are able to find that sweet spot, that place of ease, there is nothing else like it in the world. It is the opposite of hustle and grit (two buzzwords that frankly give me the heebie-jeebies).
You see, when most people think about being productive - running or starting a business, getting or pivoting to a new job, taking care of all the things - they think of it in terms of traditional masculine terms. We think of phrases like “push harder”, “the grind”, or even “crushing it”.
Ease allows for productivity in the most feminine sense of the word. It’s about helping our logical side collaborate with our intuitive side. It’s about bringing our yin and yang into harmony.
Now, lest you think I’m going to ask you to sit for hours in meditation to make this happen - think again.
For this week’s Friday Fab Five, I’m bringing you five ways to help you creatively move away from traditional methods of productivity into was that bring more ease - and hopefully even some more pleasure - into your work and life.
1 - Stop Looking Outside Yourself
How many times have you had an idea you wanted to implement, and then asked your colleagues, friends, or family for advice? Do you get pulled into analysis paralysis by reading articles by “experts”, watching endless TED talks, listening to podcasts, taking yet ANOTHER course, just to be sure you have the answers you’re looking for?
Now, I don’t deny the importance of being well informed. However, by consistently feeding the habit of looking outside yourself for the answers, instead of turning inward and checking in with your own intuition, you are creating undue stress.
The answer isn’t out there somewhere. It’s inside you. The more you tap into your own intuition, the more confident and empowered you will feel. You start building evidence that everything you need is already with you. This reduces stress and creates space and ease in your work and life.
If you haven’t worked with your intuition in this way in the past, it can feel a bit daunting at first. Many people give up because it can feel uncomfortable. I can hear them yelling “Just give me the answer already!”
One quick tip to start honing your intuition and being able to bring a little more ease into your life.
Quiet.
Now, as I promised, I’m not talking about sitting in meditation for hours on end. I’m simply talking about finding a little quiet to allow yourself to hear yourself.
Here’s a simple exercise to try as you start to work with this. Ask yourself what you want for breakfast (lunch, dinner, snack - whatever). Instead of opening the fridge or the cabinets and staring in there until something catches your eye, close your eyes. Think “lunch”. What image, taste, sensation do you experience? That’s your intuition talking.
The more you take a moment to close your eyes, take a deep breath and check in with yourself for these simple decisions, the more you will get used to how your intuition communicates with you. The more you listen to it, the more it will show up for you as you ask it to help with bigger and bigger decisions.
And that creates more ease.
Want more practice? Check out my online course SYNERGY Style, where we do all sorts of wonderful exercises to get to know yourself and your intuition better.
2 - Practice Saying “No”
How many times have you said “yes” to something you didn’t actually want to do? Does it feel easier in the moment to just say “yes”?
Of course there are time when “yes” really means “yes”. Those are not the times I’m speaking of. I’m talking about the times when someone asks you to take on an extra project, or a new client that’s not exactly who you love working with, and your automatic response is “yes”, even though in your gut you really don’t want to.
Why do we do this? Why is it so hard to say “no” when that’s what we really mean?
There are so many reasons we do this:
People pleasing
Fear of hurting someone else
Guilt
Deferring to “authority”
All the “shoulds”
Saying "yes” allows us to be seen as a good person, someone who cares, is willing to help out, to do our part and make a contribution.
But, when we say “yes” when we don’t really feel it, we have increased stress, more feelings of resentment and lower self-esteem.
So, how do you start to break this cycle of “yessing”? Practice saying “no” when you really mean “no”. The best way I know to do this is to repeat the exercise I mentioned above of learning to tap into your intuition.
When you’re trying to figure out when to say “yes” to something, start by asking yourself “What are my needs in this situation?” “What would feel best and most genuine for me to do?” “How will I feel when I’m doing XYZ?”
Taking the time to do this pre-thought before jumping into a hard “yes” from the start allows you to give yourself more fully to the projects you want to take on, while allowing you to show up for others in an authentic and genuine way.
Again… welcoming more ease into your work and life.
3 - Let It Go!
When we invest time, energy, resources, money into something - our business, our career, our families, ourselves - it’s nearly impossible not to want things to be just the way we want them. I mean, we’ve worked darn hard to get where we are, don’t we deserve that?
Sure. But… that takes an enormous amount of control. And, when we’re operating from this place, we’re putting ourselves under a tremendous amount of stress.
Our daughter was 3 when Frozen came out. It has been a staple in our household for over 8 years. And, as I have watched nearly every iteration possible, I am constantly reminded of a theme that isn’t often talked about, even though the most popular song literally screams it at us.
You see, Elsa tried to control her powers. Why? To not be seen as an outcast. To protect her sister. To protect her family name. To protect her position as queen.
And, how did that turn out for her? Crappy, right? She literally lost her cool and felt she had to go live alone on a mountain top.
You don’t need to get to that point of losing your cool or running away so as not to be “found out.”
Life throws things at us we can never imagine. Many times, it’s better than we could have ever imagined. But, like so many people in this world, it’s nearly impossible to see, feel and truly receive the good stuff, because we’re trying so hard to make sure the bad stuff doesn’t happen to us or someone we love.
I am here to say LET THAT SHIT GO. And no, I’m not making light of it. I get it. Trust me. It took me decades to learn how to do this, and it’s an ongoing practice/struggle to get back to the place to find my inner Elsa.
Of course, trying to do this when you’re in the midst of overwhelm is really, really hard. So, I suggest taking baby steps to start building your “let it go” muscle.
One easy way to practice this is to stop in the moment that you feel yourself starting to head into overwhelm and say to yourself “Right now, everything is okay.”
Very briefly, when you are in that place of overwhelm and the desire to control everything (even how much your dog or partner is snoring), you are in future thought. Your mind has skipped ahead to the bad stuff that’s going to happen in the future. But, right now, there isn’t rally anything wrong. You may be annoyed because the dog is snoring too loudly and you can’t concentrate or sleep, but nothing horrible has happened. You haven’t overslept. You didn’t flub your presentation. You aren’t being cranky with your kids. Right now, everything is okay. You just need to remind your brain that you see that. Your cortisol levels will drop, your heart will slow down, and you will be able to breathe easier.
In short, you just welcomed more ease into your world.
4 - Schedule For Ease
If I were to call you for a coffee date, what would come up for you? Would you be excited and immediately fly to your calendar knowing exactly when those times are going to work for you? Or do you slowly open your calendar, knowing you’re already waaaayyyy overbooked, and you would feel horrible saying no (see #2 above), so you’ll just find a space to fit me in, event though it feels daunting to add “one more thing” to your list?
If you’re like most people I know, you likely land in that 2nd bucket. You’d love to spend that time together, but dang, now it feels like a chore because, well, TIME.
Most of us are highly overscheduled and have a really unhealthy relationship with time. We’re simply moving through our to do lists, projects, meetings endlessly hoping to get a chance to come up for air.
What would it be like to create a weekly schedule that allowed for more space in your days? One that allows you to feel calm and spacious? Well, I’m here to tell you - it can happen. Here are a couple of ways you can start developing a schedule like this for yourself:
Get clarity - when you know what really matters to you, you are more able to make that a priority and allow other things to shift off your plate onto someone else’s
Ask for help - ask your partner, staff member or colleague to help take one small thing off your plate
Do one thing at a time - notice where you’re multitasking and start breaking those tasks out into dedicated, focused time periods
Build in extra time - whether it’s between Zoom meetings or if you are headed out and about, make sure to build in extra time on both sides so you don’t feel the press of time on yourself
Say no - see #2, above to create more space in your week for what really matters to you
As you start to develop a more realistic schedule for yourself, you will find more ease naturally flowing into your days, weeks and months.
5 - Channel Your Inner Turtle
In a world that operates in hyperdrive 24/7, it’s easy to get swept into the fray of feeling like you need to do more and do it faster, just to keep up and stay relevant. But, when you’re constantly rushing from one thing to the next, it’s impossible to feel ease.
Deliberately slowing down your pace and movement sends a signal to your brain and nervous system to slow everything down. Your heartrate and breathing change. Your brain moves out of hyperdrive. Your emotions are able to regulate.
When you intentionally slow down, you naturally become more present and mindful, which leads to more enjoyment and pleasure.
And, here’s the thing. When we slow down, we can actually speed up our productivity because we’re not operating from a place of distraction and overwhelm. Sounds like a win-win to me!
Granted, learning to slow down can be really, really hard. You need to make the conscious choice to slow down. Here are some ways you can start to channel your inner turtle and to slow down.
Take 3 deep breaths
Have phone free zones/times each day
Savor your food or drink
Create a few minutes of silence by turning off noise around you (i.e. tv, podcasts, radio)
Give someone your full attention when they are speaking to you
Ground yourself through your senses - Stop and pay attention to what are 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste
As you gradually slow yourself down, you will naturally welcome more ease into your work and life.
If you’re looking for more help with bringing more ease into all you do, check out my online course SYNERGY Style, a unique supported self-study program that tap into the essence of who you and find ways to bring more of you into the world with ease.
Until next week, have a FABULOUS week ahead!
