There’s Nothing Wrong With You
How many times has something not gone to plan and your immediate reaction is “what is wrong with me?”
You allow yourself to get distracted.
You procrastinate.
You forget to sign the permission slip for your child’s school outing.
You start a new process to automate your back office for the millionth time, and once again, you give up before you get it completed.
You get annoyed with people you love.
You misdirect your frustrations and take them out on an employee.
You shift the blame to make yourself look better.
The list is endless.
Demonizing ourselves is our #1 pastime and we don’t even get to enjoy it. The minute we make a mistake, we jump right into:
“What’s wrong with me?”
“Why am I so lazy?”
“I’m so stupid.”
“Ugh! I’m an idiot.”
“I’m never going to be able to figure this out.”
“I’m a mean person.”
“I don’t deserve ___________.”
We start to feel alone and isolated. We must be the only ones struggling this way. Everyone else seems to have it together in ways we don’t.
Social media, our family of origin, bosses or others in positions of authority, society at large - these are all reasons we have these voices rattling around in our brains. All of the obligations, commitments, expectations put on us by ourselves and others (directly or indirectly) make us feel like we’re constantly doing something wrong.
As a result, it’s harder to enjoy our lives because we’re carrying around low-level all this background noise telling us we’re not doing “it” right.
We hesitate and second guess ourselves. We hold ourselves back because we fear failure, looking bad, and not measuring up. We build walls that prevent us from creating deep, authentic connections with other people.
In short, we are so far from living into our best and most authentic lives we sometimes can’t even imagine what that would look like.
A couple of years ago, I heard Susan Henkels ask,
“What if there’s nothing wrong with you?”
While the question gave me pause, it took me a while to truly understand what she was saying.
That very same year, I heard Tara Brach ask the question:
“Who are you if there is nothing wrong with you?”
Okay, Universe, I got the message! It was time to start diving deeper into understanding what my life would be like if I didn’t walk around with the baggage of the moniker “wrongness” wrapped around my neck.
While I had already been doing years of mindset work - looking at where my limiting beliefs were getting in my way and what a growth mindset might actually look like - I realized I hadn’t pulled back the layers yet of my inner critic, that voice that tells us we’re wrong, even before we’ve had a chance to acknowledge the truth about the matter.
So, I dug in. I found three things that really helped me be able to start shifting away from the default belief that “I’m wrong” into “There’s nothing wrong with me.”
Track Your Accomplishments
For many years, I had a nightly routine with our daughter where I asked her to tell me both her gratitude and what she brought into the world that day. The first part is a simple gratitude exercise. By taking time to be grateful each day, we bring more things into our awareness to be grateful for.
The second question, about what she brought into the world, was setting her up to acknowledge her own accomplishments that day. So, I started doing the same for myself. I started chalking up wins and finding small moments to celebrate them. The more I did this, the less I took myself for granted.
Replace ‘But’ With ‘And’
The simple act of switching out these words allowed me to stop negating what I was saying. “I’m proud of the work I did on that project, but I could have gotten it done faster” becomes “I’m proud of the work I did on that project, and I squeaked it in on time.”
The sentence with the “but” in it basically negates feeling pride for the work accomplished. The sentence with the “and” in it allows the pride and acknowledges there may have been some challenges along the way. This is a much more balanced approach and allows our mind and heart to take in the accomplishment (see above).
Be Yourself
Comparisonitis is a real thing. When scrolling through social media, or even talking with a friend or colleague, it can feel like whatever you are doing isn’t “enough”. The reality is, you’re always enough because you’re you. We have no idea what other people go through each day. We only know our own experiences. So, it’s time to start owning our own experiences. If you don’t feel up to taking on a new client or want to take a day to go to the beach - you do you, Boo!
There is no one who lives your life, but you. So, stop trying to live someone else’s life and start being you. When you own yourself, you open yourself up to feeling worthy more often.
As I practiced each of these things, I found I was asking myself what was wrong with me far less often. I was more patient with myself. I found more opportunities to celebrate myself. I showed up with more confidence and started taking more risks that felt good to me.
Now it’s your turn.
What would you do differently if you knew there was nothing wrong with you?
