Putting a voice to emotions

Sometimes, life can feel really hard. I can tell you, first hand, there are days I just want to pull the covers over my head and not deal with anything. Especially when I’m dealing with things in life I don’t want to deal with - painful things, or hurtful things.

Recently, Izzy was having a challenging time at school, which was pouring over into how she felt generally. As a mom, all I wanted to do was jump in and mama bear the heck out of the situation. You know… fix it. Wave my magic wand and make it all better. Have her feel no pain, no frustration, to just make it all okay. 

But, as hard as I try, I can’t seem to locate that darned magic wand, and I had to try something else. 

Here is a snippet of the Car Talk with Mama Izzy and I had last week, from her point of view.

Hi again! It’s Izzy. I’m here with Kim AKA: the mama! We are here today talking about… getting in touch with EMOTIONS! 

Mama: So Izzy, I wanted to ask you a question. Is there anything bothering you?

Izzy: No. Why do you ask? 

Mama: Hm. Ok. Are you sure? You know you can tell me if anything was bothering you, right?

Izzy: I know I can. And yes I am sure.

Mama: I was also asking because you sounded a little annoyed when you just got in the car.

Izzy: (A little irritated.) Yes. I’m sure I am FINE.

Mama: Ok, then, what was happening when I picked you up from school today?

Izzy: (Even more irritated.) I was just about to go into the gym when you  called for me.

Mama: I see. What were you feeling about that?

Izzy: (Still clearly irritated.) I don’t know. Just mixed feelings, I guess. 

Mama: Well, do you think you could tell me the words that come into your head when you think about those feelings?

Izzy: What if I can’t think of any words? 

Mama: Just try.

Izzy: (After a minute of thinking.) BLEGCH! That is the only wordish thing that came into my head.

Mama: Can you feel the BLEGCH feeling? 

Izzy: Yes all over me.

Mama: Does it feel like it’s taking over your body?

Izzy: No, it feels like it’s around me. All around me.

Mama: So, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Izzy:  A good thing. It feels… cozy, I think.

Mama: Can you see this BLEGCH?

Izzy: Yes. It… it… it looks like a bunch of colors mixed together.

Mama: Like brown? Like when you mix a bunch of paint together?

Izzy: No. More like they aren’t fully mixed in.

Mama: I see. So BLECGH is more like a rainbow?

Izzy: Yeah. Only not an arch. Just all around me.

Mama: Does BLECGH feel like a good feeling? 

Izzy: I guess.

Mama: Would you be okay talking to BLECGH. To ask it a question?

Izzy: Why?

Mama: Is it you who needs to know or BLECGH who needs to know?

Izzy: I would like to know why.

Mama: Okay… so, I believe you need to feel all the feels, and it seems BLECGH is taking up a lot of space, and not letting you feel what’s underneath.

Izzy: True.  I do need to feel all the feels.

Mama: Would you be willing to ask BLECGH if it could open up in some way?

Izzy: How?

Mama: Maybe there’s a zipper. Look around you.

Izzy: I see a zipper.

Mama: Go ahead and unzip it, if you’re comfortable with that.

Izzy: (Making unzipping motion) Unzipped. 

Mama: Can you still feel it around you, just not zipped up?

Izzy: Yeah.

Mama: Like a superhero cape?

Izzy: Yeah.

Mama: So BLECGH is still with you, but not closed up. Which means you can now get to your other feelings underneath?

Izzy: Yeah. It’s pretty cool how feelings can do that if you let them.

Mama: It is pretty cool how feelings do that if you let them. Are you feeling anything else, now that BLECGH is opened up?

Izzy: Not really anything anymore. But I was feeling irritated earlier.

Mama: So that feeling is gone now?

Izzy: Yep! 

Mama: Good. So, tell me something that made you smile today.

Izzy: That I got to go to drama because it was today’s co-curricular.

Mama: Cool! Are you still working on your radio play?

Izzy: Yes! It’s coming along pretty well.

Mama: Wonderful to hear. I’m excited to see it in a few weeks. Okay… ready to go inside?

Izzy: Yes please! (comes forward and kisses mama) 

This short conversation, centered around helping Izzy find her voice for her emotions, is a simple example of how we talk on a regular basis. We have the opportunity to explore feelings by seeing what they may look like. This allows us to be able to put a little distance between deeply feeling the emotion and being able to process the emotion. It’s a fun little trick I learned through working with my own therapists and coaches. 

I’m thrilled with how well it works not only for me, but also to help Izzy process when she feels the big feels and is in a mental state where it’s hard to express what’s really going on.

A final note from Izzy:

Thank you for reading our blog. And, don’t forget to talk to your mama!