Are You Living Your Values?

Before you can live the life and have the career you imagine for yourself, you need to truly understand yourself. And not the self that is influenced by what others think or may want for you. But the true, authentic, deeply real self that lives inside each of us. Makes sense, right? And yet, when was the last time you were in touch with this person?

You see, we often live our lives based on what we think we “should” be doing, based on what others deem important or necessary. We gather up our view of the world and our place in it by those closest to us, or even by those we admire. But, no one has your exact life. They haven’t had the exact same experiences you have. They haven’t been inside your body to know what it feels like to be you.

So why do we spend so much time and energy focusing on what other people are saying about how we should live our lives or in what ways work shows up for us?

For many people, there is simply not the knowledge or awareness that there are options available to them. For others, fear gets in the way of entertaining those options. 

And yet, when given the opportunity to deeply know and understand yourself, you get to define what your life looks like - on your terms. 

Where I like to start with this process, when working with clients, is looking deeply at your values. When you live your life guided by your values, you have a sound place from which to make decisions and take actions that are most meaningful and in alignment with what is most important to you. Basically, they give your life direction and meaning. 

Defining your values on your terms is the foundational building block for everything you do. It is from this place that you can check in and see how your actions, thoughts and behaviors are meeting the needs of your values. If they aren’t, you can find ways to adapt what you’re doing that bring you back into alignment.

It’s in this place of alignment that you find deeper fulfillment, happiness and contentment in your life. And isn’t that what we’re looking for after all? 

Stepping into living a values-based life is relatively simple. It takes time, practice and patience to make it a habit (just like with any other change you want to make).

Here are three steps you can take to start to integrate your values more deeply into your life.

1. Identify your values

You may already have a sense of your values based on your upbringing or how certain things have impacted you in your world. But you may be unclear about what those values actually mean to you, or the values may be too broad to give you the definition you need to guide your actions, thoughts and decisions. If you’re starting from scratch and are unsure of what your values are, you can check out a core values list or take the VIA Character Strengths test. 

Write down your top 10 core values and keep them somewhere you can easily access them. Each day for one week, mark down if you experienced that value that day and how it made you feel when you did. If you didn’t experience it, mark down how you felt when you recognized it was missing from your day.

At the end of the week, look at your data. What trends do you notice? What are you wanting to invite more of into your life? Less of? What values truly aren’t resonating with you, even though you feel they “should” be important? Which ones are you missing from your list that you did enjoy having? 

This will give you a pretty good indication of what values you actually want in your life and  which ones are no longer serving you.

2. Be in relationship with your values

Once you have a clear idea of what values you really want to encourage and lean into, you can start to develop an ongoing relationship with your values. 

Values work for you when you work with them. Waiting to tap into your values when you’re in the midst of a challenging time is a sure fire way to create more stress for yourself because your values will be out of alignment. Being out of alignment with your values creates feelings of overwhelm, frustration and a general sense that you’re stuck or are not sure what step to take next. 

A way to stay more aligned with your values is to practice living your values on a more regular basis. This is what it means to be in relationship with your values. 

Start by asking yourself these questions:

• What do I want to feel when I’m living in my values? 

• How do I want my values to show up in my life?

Write down the answers to these questions for each of your core values. It might look something like this:

Core value: Open-minded

To stay aligned with being Open-minded, I will notice when I have judgmental thoughts or feelings and check in with them. Where is this judgement coming from? Is there a fear here that isn’t being addressed? I will create opportunities for open discourse and understand each individual comes with their own thoughts, feelings and emotions that I am not aware of. I will allow for others to live into their experience, just as I live into mine, without assuming knowledge or understanding beyond intuition through the circumstances in front of me. I will feel non-judgmental, equitable, just, fair and proud when I’m living in this value.

3. Put it into action

You have gathered a lot of great information about your values, how they show up and how you want to experience them in your life. Now it’s time to put it all together and start to take some value-packed action!

Look at the statements you came up with in the last exercise. What is one action you can take for each of your values? Note: don’t overthink or overcomplicate this part.

For example, if you have a core value of Family, choose an action that would allow you to place importance and priority on family. This could be spending 15 minutes of uninterrupted time with each family member once a week. Or maybe it’s as simple as agreeing to put aside your work for 10 minutes when your child asks for help with their homework. 

Whatever action you choose, make sure it’s something you can do consistently. Consistency is key in developing those value-driven habits. What’s going to feel good to you to do over and over again? 

Take small steps here. Take simple actions for each of your values. Soon enough, you will see what a value-driven life you are living.

Giving yourself the opportunity to live into your values brings more authenticity to your life. You are clear about who you are and what’s important to you. You know what you will and will not accept in your life anymore. 

Can you think of a more empowering and liberating place to be operating from? 

Getting clear on your values and finding ways to live a more values-focused life will help you as you start to build the life and career that is most fulfilling for you. It is one component of what I call your overall “Being Statement” that can guide your actions, thoughts and decisions as you begin to shift into a life that’s truly yours. 

To learn more about working with your values, creating a “Being Statement” and how to incorporate them into your life and work, check out one of my upcoming Quit the Chaos Masterclasses.